For the Sake of a Shower: Mk. II

[Lord Roem]

The alter neo-liberalism timeline is back and rebooted!

A re-write of earlier parts of the timeline, some tightening up of plot-holes and some ret-conning coupled with some nice stock footage as well.

Also-with-superfluous-hyphens.

Please let me know what you think! This is to be the "clean" thread, the original one can be found here which will usually be the first one to be updated.

[The Red]

Can't wait

[Lord Roem]

For the Sake of a Shower: The Assassination of Margaret Thatcher

"All attempts to destroy democracy by terrorism will fail. It must be business as usual."

The bombing of the Grand Hotel in Brighton on the eve of the 1984 Conservative Party Conference failed in its primary objective of killing the Prime Minister of the day, Mrs. Margaret Thatcher. Despite destroying her bathroom, killing five people and injuring many others, including the wife of the Trade and Industry Secretary, Norman Tebbit, the rest of her hotel suit remained largely intact and both she and her husband Denis were unharmed by the incident.

In the aftermath of the terrorist attack, one of the closest times in British history that a sitting Prime Minister has come to being murder, the IRA issued a statement to the media. The chilling conclusion simply stated, “Today we were unlucky, but remember, we only have to be lucky once. You will have to be lucky always”.

For the sake of a late night shower, it could have been very different...

Introduction: "A Bleaker Brighton"

"THE PRIME MINISTER IS DEAD



The Grand Hotel following the bombing in the early hours of this morning

An explosion at the Grand Hotel in Brighton has claimed the lives of six people including the Prime Minister, assumed to have been the primary target of the bomb. Mrs. Thatcher who was due to address the Conservative Party Conference this afternoon, was killed in an explosion that ripped through her hotel bathroom in the early hours of this morning.

The Irish Republican Army has already claimed responsibility for the attack, which was caused by a 100lb explosive device placed in a neighbouring suit. The assassination is seen as a reprisal influenced by Government policy towards Northern Ireland. The Prime Minister’s successor will be decided upon at an emergency meeting of Conservative MPs later this afternoon.

Tributes to Mrs. Thatcher have rapidly been given by Her Majesty the Queen, American President Ronald Reagan, the Leader of the Opposition Mr. Neil Kinnock and the Soviet General-Secretary Mikhail Gorbachev. The Irish Taoiseach, Garret FitzGerald, has also condemned the attack and has pledged mutual-assistance in the forthcoming police investigation."

-From The Times 12th October 1984

“Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead”

-Quotation attributed to anonymous member of the NUM, cited in “The Middle Path: Britain in the Eighties” Peter Hennessy: Faber and Faber 2010

“12th October 1984

The lady is dead.

I heard the news after Jane woke me in a fluster this morning; the bastards got her at her most vulnerable. I went downstairs to see the carnage of the hotel, the TV footage was almost obscene in how vivid it was. Tebbit, indestructible as always, was in tears, stomping around the ruins in his dressing gown. That smug toad Heseltine was talking to the camera. C***, I’d bet he was praying for this moment. How can we manage with him as leader? He must be stopped.

Grabbed my overnight bag before heading to the railway station, already received word that the leadership contest would be held as soon as possible. Quite right too, Willy is taking over on an interim basis but he's hardly the right man for a time of national crisis such as this. I'll be supporting Norman of course, although I fear that Heseltine will somehow scrape though.

Can’t write much, too upset.

I’ll rip the Paddies to shreds when I get them. This will never turn into their own sordid little Tet Offensive”

-From Diaries Volume Two: In Crisis Alan Clark: Phoenix 1997

“Mrs. Thatcher’s assassination left a problematic constitutional problem to overcome during the frenzied hours following the bombing. Under the terms of simple convention, the Deputy Prime Minister, Lord Whitelaw became Prime Minister, despite a long held belief that a member of the House of Lords could not gain that position. However, his statement in the early hours of October 12th announcing his refusal to stand for the emergency leadership election soon relegated the problem to little more than a small historical anomaly. Despite Whitelaw’s declared intention not to be considered de facto Prime Minister, under the rules of the Conservative Party at the time, he is still considered to have held the shortest tenure of any Prime Minister in history, although technically, he can only be dubbed to have been acting in that position as he was never formally appointed by the monarch.

Nevertheless, given the extraordinary events of the early morning, the conclave that met to choose a new leader of the Conservative Party ensured an election that would be anything other than normal. Firstly, only a fraction of the PCP was in Brighton at the time, most had intended to arrive during the next day or so. As a result, many prominent Ministers called for a simple show of hands to choose an interim leader. Owing to the nature of the assassination and the national security issues that resulted from it, most commentators expected the new leader to arise from right-wing of the party. Both Norman Tebbit and Sir Keith Joseph seen as consensus candidates who held the sufficient credentials to see out the former Prime Minister's legacy.

However, Whitelaw, in perhaps the most crucial decision of his brief leadership, choose to delay the election until the early evening. By the time the emergency hustings opened, the majority of the Parliamentary Conservative Party had arrived in Brighton.

The first ballot, carried out in the seaside Conference Centre resulted in a three-way spit between the Defence Secretary Michael Heseltine, the Trade and Industry Secretary Norman Tebbit and the Foreign Secretary, Sir Geoffrey Howe. All three candidates represented different wings of the party, although there was concern from the One-Nation "Wet" faction that the presence of Howe would lead to a split in the moderate vote. Owing to opposition to a possible Tebbit Premiership, this best explains why the level-headed member for East Surry was only able to gain a miserable eighteen votes from the delegates.

This greatly underestimates the support that the most senior figure in the contest actually held within the parliamentary party. Howe had been a highly respected Chancellor of the Exchequer during the first term of the Conservative government and had adapted to the role of chief diplomat very well over the previous year. Had Heseltine not stood, it is very likely that Howe would have emerged victorious.

As it was, the Defence Secretary, who had given a dominating performance in the media circus which had emerged, somewhat vulture-like during the day, was able to gain almost all of the Howe votes from the first ballot. Norman Tebbit, whose usually barnstorming performances had been undermined by the debilitating injuries suffered by his wife Margaret, was seen by many as being too scared by the incident to manage the pressures of office. Reports from before the second ballot indicate that the Trade and Industry Secretary came very close to pulling out in favour of another candidate from the right-wing of the Party, but arguments between supporters of the leading replacements for the harbinger of the right, were apparently unable to select a viable alternative candidate. Tebbit entered the second round of voting still scared by the events of the bombing.

As it was, the second and final round of voting was still tighter than most commentators at the time had predicted, with Michael Heseltine emerging victorious my a margin of only twenty-six votes.”

-From The Brighton Bombing and the Impact on the Conservative Party Simon Hix: British Journal of Political Science 1996

“Those that feel that their cause will be aided by terror and violence are to be very much mistaken. Britain has lost a great woman today, and I will never be the Prime Minister she was.

Nevertheless, my message to the IRA is very clear, your cause is futile. I can only pledge that you will pay for this atrocity. Whilst no member of a peaceful, lawful government such as ours desires bloodshed, it is clear to all present that in order to walk the path of peace, occasionally we must climb the mountain of conflict.

In this case, the mountain we must climb is one of terrorism. Whilst subservient and cowardly criminals may be able to hide, the full pressure of the military, criminal and justice systems will hold all those responsible to account"

Michael Heseltine served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom following the assassination of his predecessor, Margaret Thatcher

-From Michael Heseltine's closing speech to the Conservative Party Conference, 14th October 1984, cited in “The Conservative Party: From Peel to Pickles” Anthony Seldon: Penguin 2009

“And now the blood truly begins to flow”

-From an overheard conversation between Enoch Powell and Alan Clark

[Lord Roem]

Chapter One: A Cantankerous Cabinet

"The fundamental question is, is the Conservative Party leadable?"

"HESELTINE APPOINTS CABINET AS DUST SETTLES

Mr. Heseltine's arrival at Downing Street early this morning was followed by a brief meeting with the Queen before the first Cabinet appointments were announced

The Prime Minister, Michael Heseltine today announced the formation of the new Cabinet, which he has stated is "On wartime footing to fight the greatest domestic threat to the United Kingdom since the General Strike" As expected, there are prominent positions for the two runners up in last weeks election contest. Sir Geoffrey Howe remains in office as Foreign Secretary with the new vanguard of the Tory right, Norman Tebbit, appointed Home Secretary as well as Deputy Prime Minister to replace Lord Whitelaw. The Prime Minister’s close ally, Tom King, has been promoted to Chancellor of the Exchequer in order to replace Nigel Lawson who has announced a desire to retire to the backbenches following Mrs. Thatcher’s death. The Prime Minister has already announced a joint Home and Foreign Office effort to bring down the IRA both domestically and aboard and has also announced the formation of a new Department of National Security to increase the resources of the Security Services. This new Department is to be headed by the former Home Secretary, Leon Brittan. In addition, the old Ministry of Economic Affairs has been resurrected, incorporating areas of the Treasury, Science and Environment. Also re-established is the Ministry of Information to be headed by William Whitelaw who also becomes Lord Privy Seal with special responsibility for co-ordinating security matters. Finally, following the resignation of Jim Prior, Mrs. Thatcher's former PPS Ian Gow becomes Northern Ireland Secretary, heading what is expected to be a far more hard-line policy towards the province.

Full appointments are show below;

Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury: Michael Heseltine
Chancellor of the Exchequer: Tom King
Home Secretary and Deputy Prime Minister: Norman Tebbit
Foreign Secretary: Sir Geoffrey Howe
Defence: Norman Fowler
National Security: Leon Brittan
Education: George Younger
Health: Lynda Chalker
Employment: Cecil Parkinson
Agriculture, Fisheries and Food: Michael Jopling
Environment and Local Government: Carol Mather
Energy: Peter Walker
Economic Affairs: Norman Lamont
Transport: Peter Bottomley
Northern Ireland: Ian Gow
Scotland: Ian Lang
Wales: Peter Walker
Chief Whip: Patrick Jenkin
Lord Chancellor: The Lord Douglas-Hamilton
Chief Secretary to the Treasury: Harvey Proctor
Leader of the House of Commons and Lord President of the Council: Sir Keith Joseph
Lord Privy Seal and Minister for Information: The Lord Whitelaw
Leader of the House of Lords: The Baroness Young
Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster: Christopher Patten

-From The Guardian: 19th October 1984

“It was when I saw that Ian Gow had been appointed to the Cabinet that I thought, ‘Prime Minister, next time you cross the road, don't bother looking.' Until that point I was happy enough at University, really, I was hoping to go into the media. However, the second that Tebbit announced that suspected IRA members could now be detained for three weeks without charge, I decided that I had to stand for Parliament at the next possible opportunity. The very idea that a government was even considering imprisoning innocent people for twenty-one days struck me as being totally at odds with British notions of liberty and legal history."

-Former Education Secretary Christopher Morris in a recent interview, "The Days We Make Today" for The Observer Magazine

“23rd October 1984

Dismal day in the House, all were still subdued from the bombing last week, regrettable, but there is surely no need for more than three days of mourning? Nothing of any note has been getting done and all are downcast and weeping. David Owen was blubbing like a baby, the weak-willed proto-Tory that he is. Frankly, the entire situation seems so frightfully Victorian and morbid.

Saw Enoch in the members Lobby, grinning like some grim parody of the Cheshire cat. All the UUP members are the same really, they can’t wait to cleanse the entire north of Ireland from those they view as “Catholic Degenerates” I fear for the future now that Ian Gow has got the Northern Ireland Office. Apparently Mrs. Thatcher was working on an agreement with the Taoiseach. That’s been scrapped entirely, dreadful news for all the Nationalists on our side of the Benches. Ian Paisley was jeering, (jeering!) at John Hume as I entered the Central Lobby. It does little to improve public perceptions of democracy.

I witnessed the pro-Irish demonstration in Hyde Park on the way home. All good, sober, honest people frightened of loyalist reprisals. All they want is peace and the chance to go about their lives in peace, but all the Government wants is to promise Enoch, Paisley and their ilk more violence. I despair for the world.”

-From: “Diaries 1983-1990” Tony Benn: Penguin 1993

“Inter arma enim silent leges.

Personally, if it was up to me I’d invade the entire republic, it isn’t though. I can’t see how I could have become Prime Minister

[Unintelligible]

Pardon? What about the sports pages? No, I’m sorry but I don’t really have time to worry about what Gordon Banks is up to!”

-Overheard conversation by Enoch Powell

“Frankly the whole business surrounding the government's actions against the IRA is a dreadful blot on British history that is going to take generations to heal. People have criticised Heseltine, Tebbit, Gow, Alan Clark, quite rightly I should add, but really the worse of the entire bunch was Fowler, the new head of the Gestapo, which is frankly really all the “Department of National Security” amounted to. It took them about three weeks to start waging war on “Private Eye” I think. We had a photograph of Reinhard Heydrich in Prague I believe with the caption “New Information Minister Appointed”. It wasn't particularly funny with hindsight but it didn't excuse us being slapped with an injunction.

Anyway, less than ten minutes before we were meant to go to press, the police barged in an announced that they were here to confiscate our printing presses. Now, I’m not a solicitor (thank god), but I knew that not even Tebbit could have been that audacious or the Government that well organised to bring out legislation in that space of time without it being announced. So, we sent the police on their way and told the lawyers breathing down our necks to Carter-Ruck off.”

-Former BBC Director-General Ian Hislop in a recent interview for The Guardian Media Supplement

[MaskedPickle]

Wonderful, with these pictures, this masterpiece is even more readable for the Froggies like me who don't have a clue on British politics.

[Meadow]

We've got to have a drink sometime, you and me.

[Emperor of Scandinavia]

I see that Enoch will be playing a somewhat different role in TL than in RL Britain back in the 80's.

POWELL for PRIME MINISTER!!!! (well probally not, but I certainly hope that he at least rejoins the conservative party and becomes a member of the cabinet)

[area11]

Very good I can't wait for more. One question is Jack Tindale your real name?

[rcduggan]

Good to see this back - I started reading the MkI version, but got out of habit as it progressed. Guess this gives me a good excuse to start reading the new & improevd edition!

[Arachnid]

Interesting, is it simply going to be a rewrite of mk. 1. with a few things tidied up or a full scale restart with a different ending?

[Lord Roem]

Originally Posted by MaskedPickle

Wonderful, with these pictures, this masterpiece is even more readable for the Froggies like me who don't have a clue on British politics.

Cheers! I don't want to overload things picture wise but I'll get some more up for each post! I'm glad that they're relevent though!

Originally Posted by EMPEPEROR OF SCANDANAVIA

I see that Enoch will be playing a somewhat different role in TL than in RL Britain back in the 80's.

POWELL for PRIME MINISTER!!!! (well probally not, but I certainly hope that he at least rejoins the conservative party and becomes a member of the cabinet)

Ah, we shall see, he's a little too easy to fit into timelines like this and I'm try to avoid overusing him, I have some plans for later on though.

Originally Posted by rcduggan

Good to see this back - I started reading the MkI version, but got out of habit as it progressed. Guess this gives me a good excuse to start reading the new & improevd edition!

Capital! That was the intention!

Originally Posted by area11

Very good I can't wait for more. One question is Jack Tindale your real name?

Yes, you hardly think I'd use such a boring pseudonym do you?

Originally Posted by Aracnid

Interesting, is it simply going to be a rewrite of mk. 1. with a few things tidied up or a full scale restart with a different ending?

I can't see myself adding too much as is, Mk. I isn't finished yet as it happens, I'm just trying to clean up the early stages, some convergence may be present later on though!

Originally Posted by Meadow

We've got to have a drink sometime, you and me.

Oh indeed! PM me, we can arrange something for Easter!

[Blackadder mk 2]

Maybe 50% more Eurosceptism and Devolution? (a man can dream can't he?)

Still Tom King seems to have gotten off well from this ordeal becoming Chancellor but maybe still being known as 'The Invisible Man.'

[Meadow]

From Peel to Pickles.

From Peel to Pickles.

FROM PEEL TO PICKLES?!!

Please tell me 'that bloke they pay to talk common' (to quote one Lord Prescott) isn't going to end up leader of the Conservative Party!

And I'll PM you over the next few days. Settling back in at Uni myself and so on.

[Lord Roem]

Chapter Two: The Prevention of Tebbitism Act

Let's fire up the Quattro! It's time for change!

"TOUGH MEASURES AGAINST SUSPECTED TERRORISTS

Mr. Fowler announced the proposals at the opening of the new Department for National Security in Victoria Street yesterday. The position will take over counter-terrorism responsibilities from the Home Office and will co-ordinate domestic military actions with the Ministry of Defence

In a joint statement to the House of Commons today, the Home and National Security Secretaries announced a series of anti-terror legislation aimed at reducing the internal power of the IRA at both the domestic and international level. Areas which will be introduced under the proposed Prevention of Terrorism Act include the formal right of police to intern suspected IRA members for up to six weeks without charge, thus bringing into force the interim measures announced by Mr. Tebbit last week. Other measures include the freezing of IRA bank accounts outside the United Kingdom, the right to detain members of nationalist paramilitary groups without charge and substantial increases in funding for the RUC and Security Services. The Defence Secretary, Mr. Norman Fowler has also announced that an additional 5 000 military personnel will be moved to Northern Ireland to support troops already stationed there.

Response to the measures have been mixed with Labour leader Neil Kinnock and SDP spokesperson David Owen both giving tacit support for the proposed legislation although many within the Opposition benches have expressed their personal concern to the proposals, which have been described as “draconian and an affront to national liberty” by former Leader of the Opposition Michael Foot, and “a knee-jerk, unprecedented move” by Gerald Kaufman. Civil Liberties campaigners have also voiced their opposition, Labour backbencher Eric Heffer has already requested a judicial review of the already drafted White Paper, although it is unlikely to lead to the legislation being dropped.

The bill will have its first reading in the House of Commons on Thursday afternoon following Prime Minister’s Questions; however, it is not expected to be formally passed until after the funeral of Mrs. Thatcher, the arrangements of which are to be announced this afternoon.”

-From The Times: 26th October 1984

“I’m finding it difficult to warm to my new post as Minister for Defence Procurement. Fowler has centralised power within the Department to an astonishing degree. This is a great shame really as he is simply dreadful. A typical Central House appointee, totally lacking in initiative. Frankly, I don’t see how he can last long, the Prime Minister only appointed him to avoid giving him too great a demotion. How he can sleep at night knowing that there are murderers and war criminal running wild is beyond me.

I shall not voice too much opposition at this stage however, I feel that I shall gain from this in due course. I was perhaps too hasty to misjudge our new Prime Minister, mea culpa mea culpa. With Tebbit to advise him I would hope that he is not moved to compromise with these terrorists. If it weren’t for the bloody EEC we could hang them, I understand that dear Ian is preparing a get around clause to ensure that the nationalists will get what is only too well deserved for them.

I managed to have a drink with Teddy Taylor in the Commons Bar after Home Office Questions, he’s also been promoted to Minister of State. Good man. Sound.

I wonder if we could both be in the Cabinet this time next year?

-From Diaries Volume Two: In Crisis Alan Clark: Phoenix 1997

"REAGAN UNDER FIRE FROM KENNEDY

WASHINGTON DC: President Reagan was today called upon to clarify his position regarding Northern Ireland by Senator Ted Kennedy (D-MT) after statements at a press conference on Friday in which he appeared to give support to the new Anti-IRA measures announced by the British Government on Thursday. Senator Kennedy, who has taken a strong interest in the situation within Ireland stemming from the assassination of Prime Minister Thatcher, stated that “if the President can honestly claim that these measures against innocent Irish-Americans are morally justifiable, I must question his competence to run our foreign policy given his desire to avoid criticising such authoritarian measures”. The White House has not yet commented on the accusations.

The claims seem to have done little to affect the President’s standing however, in the latest national opinion poll commissioned with less than two weeks to Presidential Election which continues to show a comfortable lead by President Reagan over Democratic challenger Walter Mondale.”

-From The New York Times: 29th October 1984

“STATE FUNERAL NEXT SATURDAY, BYOB”

-Anonymous graffiti seen close to Westminster Abbey

“Rob,

I enclose the latest draft of the Cabinet Room sketch which we think can open the new series. I know that we have until the New Year for the broadcast but I think that the humour has a somewhat timeless quality to it given the nature of the events, please make any comments you feel suitable for the writers meeting on Tuesday,

Geoff.

SCENE: Cabinet Room. The entire set has been created to look as if in a time of great warfare, (flak curtains, military maps etc.) Heseltine sits at far end of Cabinet Table. He is wearing full body armour and visibly shaking. Norman Tebbit enters, his character now modified to resemble the Emperor from Star Wars (hooded black robes, rasping voice etc.) face turned away from camera, we see a small photograph of Mrs. Thatcher clutched in his right hand.

TEBBIT: [To picture] Soon my sweet, you shall return.

[To Heseltine] Prime Minister?

HESELTINE: [Screams and hides under table] Oh no! You won’t get me you swines. I didn’t want this job anyway, get Tebbit! He’s the one you want!

TEBBIT: No, Prime Minister, it’s only me.

HESELTINE: Oh, sorry Norman. I eh, thought you were err. That is to say…

TEBBIT: Quite understandable Prime Minister. Now, I do have a plan to bring our dear Leader back to life.

HESELTINE: Oh wonderful, I didn’t want this job anyway. Did I already say that? Anyway, it’s true.

TEBBIT: Excellent Prime Minister, now, I will need your help.

HESELTINE: Anything, I didn’t want this job anyway, did I mention that?

TEBBIT: You may have done milady.

HESELTINE: You what?

Tebbit ignores him and begins to draw a pentangle on the floor, we cut sound as he beckons Heseltine to light black candles. Thunder rumbles and lighting flashes. We cut to black and back again to reveal.

SCENE: Cabinet Room, later, all members present. Tom King (as invisible man) turns to Fowler.

KING: Does Michael seem somewhat different to you?

We move to Heseltine, his hair is now white and he also sports glowing red eyes.

HESELTINE: [As Thatcher] We must sacrifice old people to keep Satan content. This means that we can use them as coal and thus we can use the miners as shells to bomb Londonderry.

FOWLER: I know, he seems less feminine that usual.

OPENING CREDITS

PS: Please find enclosed a picture of the normal Tebbit re-design, it needs okaying.

”

-Excerpt from ITV Internal Memo- Spitting Image Production Office

“All hon. members are invited to join the remembrance service for the Rt. Hon Mrs. Margaret Thatcher MP which is to take place in Westminster Abbey on Saturday.

With regards to the map above, Hon. Members are warned that security is paramount and as such, passes must be presented on arrive at one of the police cordons at the junction of Victoria Street and Great Smith Street, the end of Birdcage Walk, the Westminster End of Bridge Street and at the corner of Milbank and Great Peter Street. A security blockade will also be in place at the entrance to the Abbey proper.”

-Newsletter circulated to all members of the Commons prior to the State Funeral

“Frankly, I can’t see what else we could have done. The funeral was held with almost undue haste anyway, most of the force had not even found change to arrange their family life before being posted. Given the situation I’m surprised the loss of life was so little.

It was the memo that held the most damage I think. One of the House cleaning staff must have been an IRA sympathiser or had connections to a similar nationalist group.

I am only a witness I trust? You can’t expect to hold an Inspector to account can you?

-Testimony of Ian Blair to the Templeman Commission into the Westminster Abbey Shootings, with special thanks to Her Majesty's Court Service and the National Achieves

“I would sooner eat my own foot than see that women off. On the other hand, I would like to make sure that she is dead”

-Comment overheard from Dennis Skinner MP

[maverick]

I like the way things are going with this second version. I can't say if it's better or worse than the last one, since I barely remember the first chapters of the last one, but I'll be doing my best to keep up.

[Lord Roem]

Chapter 3: Murder Most Fowler

No, we can't have alphabetical seating in the Abbey; you would have Iraq and Iran next to each other. Plus Israel and Jordan, all sitting in the same pew. We would be in danger of starting World War III!

"REAGAN IN ELECTORAL COLLEGE LANDSLIDE




The President gave a folksy and well-received speech last night in which he praised the American people for their support for his landslide victory in the Electoral College

Despite elements of the Democratic Party criticising the President's comments over the situation in Northern Ireland, Ronald Reagan yesterday won a convincing victory over his challenger, Former Vice-President Walter Mondale. The President's re-election was clear almost from the close of polls on the east coast, and the main question soon became little more than the issue of the scale of the victory. Walter Mondale succeeded in winning only his home state of Minnesota as well as Massachusetts and the District of Colombia, both by margins of less than 5%. Only the DC area saw a rise in Democratic support compared to 1980.

In his victory speech, held in the Hilton Hotel, San Francisco less than four hours after the close of the polls was typical of the President's folksy one-liners and charm. Pledging further economic prosperity and continuing pressure on the Soviet Union, President Reagan also payed tribute to the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Margaret Thatcher, who was assassinated by Irish nationalists last month. The White House has confirmed that Vice-President Bush will represent the United States at the state funeral in London next week.”

-From the Chicago Tribune: 5th November 1984

"ORDER OF SERVICE
for the
FUNERAL
of
THE RT. HON. MARGARET THATCHER MP
to be held at
NINE AM
on the
THE TENTH OF NOVEMBER
NINETEEN-HUNDRED-AND-EIGHTY-FOUR
in
THE COLLEGIATE CHURCH OF SAINT PETER AT WESTMINSTER

9:00: Guests and Mourners to Arrive at the Great West Door to be Seated prior to the Service

9:10: Body of Mrs. Thatcher to be Taken from Laying in State in Westminster Hall to Abbey

9:30: Coffin to be Unloaded on Arrival at Abbey

9:35: Nineteen-gun Salute to be Provided by The King’s Troop of the Royal Horse Artillery

9:40: Hymn: “Abide with Me” provided by the Organist and Master of the Choristers Mr. Simon Preston

9:45: First Reading: First Corinthians 15.1-53: to be Given by The Rt. Rev. and Rt. Hon Robert Runcie, Archbishop of Canterbury

9:50: Hymn: “I Vow to Thee My Country”

9:55: Second Reading “The Persistence of Virtue” to be Given by Mr. Dennis Thatcher:

10:15: Hymn: “Onward, Christian Solders”

10:20: Third Reading: John 6.35-40: to be Given by the Rt. Hon. Michael Heseltine

10:25: Hymn: “On Jordan's Bank, the Baptist's Cry”

10:30: Then the Dean of Westminster shall say the Prayers following:

10:40: Music: “Enigma Variations: Variation 9” as mourners leave”

-From the Order of Service for the State Funeral of the Rt. Hon. Margaret Thatcher, with thanks to the estate of the Rt. Hon. Sir Mark Thatcher, MP

“It was really felt that most of the PLP should be there to commit our respects. Neil was on the second row, naturally, along with the rest of the Cabinet and Party Leaders. The rest of the MP’s were crammed in at the back, rather too tightly for comfort to the frank. I had Tony next to me with his elbow jabbed into my back; of course, I could hardly say anything given the circumstances of the occasion.

Personally, I was quite surprised at the number of dignitaries who had turned out, Vice-President Bush had arrived, Chancellor Kohl, Foreign Minister Gromyko, about sixty or so European and Commonwealth Prime Ministers. Really, I rather think that the Prime Minister would have been rather overwhelmed by the numbers. After all, she had only been given the State Funeral owing to the nature of her death; she was only the first Prime Minister to be assassinated since Spencer Percival back in the Napoleonic Wars.

Of course, the occasion has always been overshadowed by the shootings that took place outside the Abbey. I was fortunate really that I stayed behind to help John Smith collect the coat that he had left behind. I know that I would almost certainly have been fine but it still makes one wonder.

I knew when I went to bed that night that I was not going to seek a second term as an MP, frankly, I much preferred academia.”

-Professor James Gordon Brown on his appointment as Principle of the University of Glasgow in a recent interview for The Times Higher Education Supplement

“The Prime Minister today announced that a full restoration of the Westminster Abbey Memorial will be undertaken before the formal commemoration the twenty-fifth anniversary of the deaths of the six people killed by the PIRA on 10th November 1984 following the State Funeral of Mrs. Margaret Thatcher. The statement was made in response to a question by the Leader of the Opposition, Matthew Parris, at Prime Minister's Questions after an announcement by the Royal Mint that a commemorative €10 coin will be minted to mark the same anniversary of Mrs. Thatcher's death.

Mr. Cruddas speaking at a Labour Party event on International Development yesterday evening in which he was joined by the new Foreign Secretary, Hilary Benn

Joined by the Home Secretary and Deputy Prime Minister, Charles Kennedy at a press conference in Downing Street, Mr. Cruddas announced his “profound belief” with regards to the need to renovate the memorial, claiming that “it must stand as a symbol to the need of all governments to maintain the continuing social and ethnic harmony of the United Kingdom and the risks that are posed by taking such relations for granted."

-From The Times Thursday 11th June 2009

“It is now believed that the three gunmen, Daniel McCann (A), Michael Murray (B) and Bernard McGinn (C) arrived at the Abbey at approx. 10:37 AM whereupon they mixed with the mourners congregated at the West Door of the Building. It is understood that they managed to avoid the police cordons previously indicated in Fig. VI by hiding in the WC at Westminster Underground Station the previous day. It is not yet known why this, the only station within the security area, was not searched prior to the event, however, as all services that day were banned from stopping there, it is assumed that the Metropolitan Police may have overlooked the possibility of terrorists using the station as a point of entry.”

-Excerpt from The Templeman Commission into the Westminster Abbey Shootings, with special thanks to Her Majesty's Court Service and the National Achieves

“Raining? Even the Lord God must see today as inauspicious!”

-The last words attributed to Defence Secretary Norman Fowler, cited “The Middle Path: Britain in the Eighties” Peter Hennessy: Faber and Faber 2010

“10th November 1984

I can hardly write today’s entry given the astonishing news.

The Funeral Service was a moderate affair, but at least the Lady was given the State occasion that she so deserved. We were sat, much to the distain of all the Junior Ministers around half way down the Nave, behind the f***ing Arabs for gods sake! What gave them the right to greater seating.

Regardless, I don’t mind to admit that I shed more than a few tears during Dennis’ eulogy, it clearly came from the heart. Michael was less good, fumbling his words and making such a hash of things. Still, the pressure was clearly getting to him.

On our departure at the end of the service I stepped unto line behind Tebbit, who was still limping from the attack last month. Consequently, I was just about in the daylight when the first shot rang out from the direction of the Guildhall, it was surprisingly quiet really, Fowler just slumped over and tumbled down the steps. It took at least five seconds before I realised what was going on.

The bloody police just ran around like idiot Oppidans. I only saw a member of the public fall and Ted Heath raise his arm in defence (I mean really, what the hell did he intend to do?!) before we were forced back inside the Abbey.

I got back to Saltwood at about four. Jane was terrified, thought I must have died. I’d heard on the news that Fowler, Paddy Jenkin, and Jim Prior had all been killed along with three members of the public. A random selection, Defence, Chief Whip and ex-Northern Ireland, the assassins must have panicked, If they had waited another thirty seconds they could have got Michael, the Prince, me. Really, it could have been far worse.

The telephone rang not long after six. John Wakeham had told me that he’d just been reappointed Chief Whip to replace Paddy. Asked me if, given the circumstances, I’d consent to become Defence Secretary. Surprised, I thought Michael hated me.

I accepted of course, though if things get worse, I fear for Jane immensely.”

-From Diaries Volume Two: In Crisis Alan Clark: Phoenix 1997

"SCENE: An underground conference room. Three be-suited Civil Servants sit around a bottom-lit table.

CAPTION: MI5: November 1984

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: So, as you know, the Prime Minister was shot last week, so, wouldn't it be great to kill another three members of the Cabinet?

SECOND CIVIL SERVANT: Oh indeed, with the country facing a great threat to national security, the best way to ensure that we're able to combat terrorists effectively is to massacre the most experienced people in the country.

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: Absolutely right. If we're ever going to defeat the IRA, it's vital that we get the country onside by killing them.

SECOND CIVIL SERVANT: Jane, you're the best person in the Service in charge of killing people in an unpredictable way, is there anything that we've missed?

FEMALE CIVIL SERVANT: There is just one thing, why are we doing this?

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: Well, because we have to keep the public on side to know that the anti-terror laws are working.

FEMALE CIVIL SERVANT: It's just, if we're going to kill people, won't that have the opposite effect?

SECOND CIVIL SERVANT: Well perhaps, but we don't know if the IRA will be able to commit such a complex plan, it's best if we do it for them.

FEMALE CIVIL SERVANT: Okay, it's just, didn't the IRA actually manage to kill the Prime Minister last month using a far more complicated arrangement than just running up and shooting people?

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: Well yes, but it is a well known fact that if we let the IRA kill six people, the entire country could come to a halt.

SECOND CIVIL SERVANT: Whereas, if WE do it, we can make sure that everything works out for the best.

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: The only problem surrounds making sure that we shoot important people rather than a former Secretary of State for Northern Ireland and three IT specialists from Croydon.

SECOND CIVIL SERVANT: Yes, so to make sure that happens, we won't bother checking with the Home Office to see where people are sitting and the order that they'll be coming out of the Abbey.

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: Exactly, although if they do shoot less important people, that's obviously fine as well.

FEMALE CIVIL SERVANT: Of course, I see what the plan is now, you've made me feel very naive!

The telephone on the desk rings and is answered by the FIRST CIVIL SERVANT

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: Hello? Oh really? That's one for the books isn't it?

He replaces the receiver

FIRST CIVIL SERVANT: Okay, stand down everyone! The IRA actually just did all of that just now!

SECOND CIVIL SERVANT: Don't tell Michael Heseltine and we'll still get our money!

FADE OUT

-Transcript from the recent BBC Comedy series: The Armstrong and Mitchell Show

[Meadow]

Nice take on the Diana sketch. Mitchell and Armstrong, too, hehe. You're very good at these.

Also, I hate to be a stickler again but as this is the redux I feel you should be given frank criticism to make it perfect - you mentioned 'Opposition Leader Parris'. As far as I know no British media outlet would ever use such a contraction, preferring, as I've said before, 'a question from the Leader of the Opposition, Matthew Parris' (for I assume 'tis he) if they're going to name a title and full name in the same sentence.

Sorry, very anal indeed, but this is so close to perfection I consider it my duty to help it reach it. Keep it up, Comrade.

[Broader Liberty]

Please tell me there's a That Miller and Webb Look aswell

[Archangel]

I'm subscribing the new version of For the Sake of a Shower.

[maverick]

Exciting things are happening. Love the way in which you make the 1980s interesting and get rid of iconic right wing figures.

Will you be aiming for Helmut Kohl as well in version 2.0?