¡Mexicanos! Valientes Seguid - A Mexican Empire TL

¡Mexicanos Valientes Seguid!
A timeline by Vault boy
Tagline: “I have had it with these Motherfornicating “U.S. destroys Mexico with impunity” TLs in this Motherfornicating forum”.


Well, after considering it for a long time, I have decided to unleash this little monster upon this forum. It is a timeline about the Mexican Empire, written a very different style from the average TL. I still have some things to be ironed out on how are they going to play out, but I think I at least got the bare-bones structure already laid out, and it's just a matter of filling in the small details, and practice my evasion skills to avoid the incoming projectiles that I am going to get for writing something that will provoke the ire on those who think that Mexico should stay on its "unstable hellhole that deserves to be conquered by the United States" pigeonhole. And so, I present you with ¡Mexicanos! Valientes Seguid. I hope you guys like it. ;)
*Note: Title in English, and in the context that the phrase came from (Mexican National Anthem, 7th Stanza) would mean: "O Mexicans! Fight on bravely."

A disclaimer: My style of humour is a bit... unorthodox to say the least. Deadpan, cold, grim, and fond of puns that would not make sense most of the time, unless you really get to think of them.

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Chapter 1:
Antonio is not the tiger
Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna was, back in the day, one of Mexico’s most beloved and well-known generals, according to his fellow military commanders. He was popular with his men, wealthy, kept many friends and political connections, and above all, had sired many children and a lot of bastards too.

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Pictured above, Santa Anna.

It is of no surprise that he was also vying for power. Power was the only thing in his mind. For such ends, he wished to legally gain access to the Imperial throne by marrying off to His Majesty’s sexagenarian sister [1]. However, this proposal was obviously vetoed by the Emperor, who promptly sent him off to his home state, Veracruz, in a somewhat failed effort to get rid of him. Santa Anna had also another problem: He had absolutely no foresight at all, going into all sorts of crazy schemes to get himself more glory, power, and wealth, if what he already had was not enough. This extended also to illegitimate children. And for the purpose of obtaining more wealth at the expense of his own men and to try to make the Emperor look incompetent by making himself look like a prime leader for Mexico, he had come to think on a plan that would land him even more of the three mentioned above: Take San Juan de Ulúa, the last Spaniard stronghold in Continental Mexico.

On Mexico City, we had Agustín I. Born from Spaniard parents, and an all-round Mexican; he was what in modern terms would be considered a “Scoundrel”, if we have to put it in the language of those Yankee barbarians and for the benefit of the forumgoers on this place. He’s someone who is a complete opportunist, even if it means screwing everyone for personal benefit, but not by blindly going into any opportunity, but by knowing which opportunities he had to take, and when to do so. Or like us Mexicans would say, “colmilludo”[2]. He was also surrounded by either yes-men or enemies. The latter, for better or worse, were the most numerous of the lot: Due to the fact he was staunchly against the republican ideals, he had no concept of letting go off his newly found power, provided to him by the same congress that hates his guts for reasons yet to be considered coherent, and beloved by the people of Mexico City, the rural elites and the indigenous population of the Mexican highlands. He did sympathize with the ideals of equality, but unfortunately these social issues had to take a back seat, since there were many problems that were upon the country, like a ruined economy and a demographical disaster that a 11 year civil war would be; so right now trying to secure the country and finding a way to contain the economic issues were the most sensible route instead of going into republican pipe dreams that the opposition wanted.

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The Imperial Court

Santa Anna’s proposal to take the San Juan de Ulúa fort from the Spanish garrison on that place seemed like the paramount of ill-conceived plans. However, Iturbide was playing an all-or-nothing: If Santa Anna somehow managed to die, either by the Spaniard arms or by his own stupidity, he would not have any other enemies that could undermine his power. Or at least that’s what he thought. But if Santa Anna succeeded, his position as Emperor would be threatened, and given the actions of other shady characters behind the scenes, which includes so many wonderful figures such as de Bustamante [3] and de Herrera y Ricardos [4], men which were supposed to be loyal to him, but were conspiring with many other liberals behind the scenes, and an American envoy which should not have had anything to do with all this. [5]

The reason for this was Miguel Santa María, a staunch Republican Liberal, and Plenipotentiary Envoy to Gran Colombia on behalf of the Mexican Empire, who, for whatever reason, he thought that, with all of the advancements that the United States had when repulsing the British and the Spanish from their country, they were a better role model and had a “better governing model” than the “Imperial Dictatorship” that Iturbide had. He declined going to the coronation ceremony, citing “health problems” as a reason for his absence, and spent most of his time cajoling with dissenters and Joel R. Poinsett. During his tenure in Veracruz, he attempted to convince many other military commanders to join his cause. One of them, was Santa Anna, who was promised that he would get a shot on to ruling the country if there was a Republic. Or at least that's what we think. Anyway, in an ideal world, democracy prevails and people dance with puppies in rainbow-coloured backgrounds, but this being early Mexico and the later turn of events during these two centuries, a democracy as played by these fools was a straight path to either an American annexation or a complete disaster.

So, in a strange turn of events, Agustín I greenlighted his plan to retake San Juan de Ulúa for the late week of October in 1822. He was given strict guidelines on how to do so, however.[6]

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A bird's view of San Juan de Ulúa in the modern day.

Against all advices given off by Santa María, Santa Anna proceeded with the plan to retake San Juan de Ulúa in the last week of October 1822. In spite of not having ships or heavy artillery, Santa Anna managed to take the fort. Mostly, by using improvised artillery and retaking the port and the fleet with small boats. Everything went without a hitch: The battle was won, the Spaniards were finally expelled from Mexico, with the survivors given safe passage back to Spanish-held Cuba, and everyone rejoiced... except for Santa Anna. You see, it’s not the wisest of all ideas to go off in a nightly stroll, especially if you are drunk, and the fort itself is surrounded by water. Remember that part about Santa Anna’s lack of foresight? This came to bite him in the ass, which, during the celebrations, he stumbled off from one of the ramparts, and came down, crashing head-first into the piers. Well, we do know by this that men are not meant to fly.

By this, Santa María’s plan to overthrow the Empire was thrown a wrench and caused him to rethink his strategies on how to deal with toppling the Empire. Time was running out, and they somehow had to also try to court the United States into helping them somehow into toppling the Empire. And, the United States’ envoy, Poinsett, of whom we’ve talked a few times before, was there to provide help and anything that the dissenters wanted.

And as for Agustín I, he had bought himself some extra time, for now. The National Congress was still filled by Republicans, and from many members of the Scottish Rite [7] which wanted him out of the picture for “going against the principles on which Mexico gained independence”; a bit counterfactual, based on the fact that Mexico was supposed to be a monarchy from the get-go. However, the death of Santa Anna after the retaking of San Juan de Ulúa also made him more popular with the people, by placing him as the man who gave the approval of the plan, and Santa Anna as a martyr of the Mexican cause. But for now, everyone was distracted on this victory.

The Mexican Empire was up to a rough start, regardless of all this.

[1] I am not making that up. Yes, it happened, yes, it was vetoed by Agustín for blatantly obvious reasons, and yes, you already can go for a bottle of brain bleach. Sadly, I forgot the source.
[2] Sharp fanged. In Mexico, the term is used to describe people who manage to come out on top by sheer ballsiness or ingenuity or a mix of the two. Also, OTL Iturbide did wanted a constitutional monarchy and elected heads of government, if his memories are to be believed; however, he considered that Mexico was not yet ready for either one of them on the get-go.
[3] Carlos María de Bustamante.
[4] José Joaquín Antonio Florencio de Herrera y Ricardos
[5] Joel R. Poinsett.
[6] This is the POD. OTL, Agustín I vetoed the plan, and sent another general to take Santa Anna as a prisoner. However, Santa Anna bribed him into joining his side, and López de Santa Anna and Santa María ended up redacting the Plan de Casa Mata. Agustín actually tried to put him in his place by heading off to Veracruz himself in November 1822 to put the two of them down. However, he ended up losing more time due to the fact that the Empress had given birth to another prince, and he postponed the attack. And by the time he had his forces ready in December, the rebels were ready to start the insurrection, and by March 1823, Iturbide abdicated. This time around, Iturbide more or less green-lights him in a bid to distract the attention from the opposition to something else and allow himself a bit more time to deal with the remaining opposition, most of them based in the provinces of Nueva Santander (nowadays Tamaulipas, Coahuila, Nuevo León and Texas) and in the Senate.
[7] OTL, there were two main Masonic rites in Mexico after the Independence: the Reformed Scottish rite, siding with the Conservatives and brought by Spaniard representatives, and the York rite, established by Poinsett, as a way to influence the politicians in Mexico to side with the U.S. and convince them of obtaining the northern states. These Masonic lodges wielded a lot of influence, and their rivalry was among one of the many causes of the political violence in Mexico, aside from the obvious ideological differences. However, in the early days of the Empire, they could only agree that Iturbide had to be removed from power. And that’s about it.
 
I have to admit Mexican history and politics are not my strong suit (I know jack shit about them, basically) but this is looking good so far. We need more positive Mexican TLs.
 
I have to admit Mexican history and politics are not my strong suit (I know jack shit about them, basically) but this is looking good so far. We need more positive Mexican TLs.

Thanks for your interest. I'll see if I can have the next chapter in the weekend.
 
Another fine start, Vault boy. Between this and the Cuauhtémoc Cárdenas TL (;)), I think you're doing excellent.
 

Razgriz 2K9

Banned
[1] I am not making that up. Yes, it happened, yes, it was vetoed by Agustín for blatantly obvious reasons, and yes, you already can go for a bottle of brain bleach. Sadly, I forgot the source.

Family Pack Industrial size please, thank you. :eek:

Also subscribed, I like your wit.
 

Deleted member 67076

I love the writing style.
 
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It's great to see another Mexican timeline in the forums. Now, I wonder what will Iturbide do with just a little more time and Santa Anna out of the picture.
 
Yay another Mexi-wank :cool:
I'm interested! And digging the humor!
Oh i am so interested.
Another fine start, Vault boy. Between this and the Cuauhtémoc Cárdenas TL (;)), I think you're doing excellent.
Family Pack Industrial size please, thank you. :eek:

Also subscribed, I like your wit.
I love the writing style.
Thanks, guys! I will not dissapoint you all.

It's great to see another Mexican timeline in the forums. Now, I wonder what will Iturbide do with just a little more time and Santa Anna out of the picture.
You will see. Even with Santa Anna dead, there are still plenty of enemies to deal with, which includes Republicans, Liberals, Republicans, Yankees who settle illegally into Texas and California, Republicans, thick headed idiots like Santa María, Republicans, and Republicans. Still, will be better than the clusterkark that OTL was, though at least not by much right now.
 

Razgriz 2K9

Banned
You will see. Even with Santa Anna dead, there are still plenty of enemies to deal with, which includes Republicans, Liberals, Republicans, Yankees who settle illegally into Texas and California, Republicans, thick headed idiots like Santa María, Republicans, and Republicans. Still, will be better than the clusterkark that OTL was, though at least not by much right now.

Don't forget the Republicans...:D

Still with Santa Anna dead, any ATL-equivalent of the Casa Mata Plan is going to be seriously crippled. Then again, the next major threat down the list is Guadalupe Victoria, followed by Vicente Guerrero and Nicholas Bravo...
 
I'm subscribing the shit out of this timeline...I'm so giddy right now!

Please continue my good sir! :D
Wow! Arkhangelsk (whose TL I seriously like and whose writing I idolize) subscribing to this my TL?

This has officially made my day! Thanks!

Don't forget the Republicans...:D

Still with Santa Anna dead, any ATL-equivalent of the Casa Mata Plan is going to be seriously crippled. Then again, the next major threat down the list is Guadalupe Victoria, followed by Vicente Guerrero and Nicholas Bravo...

Yes, sort of. Santa Anna, warts and all, was a very charismatic figure, and anyone who might want to fill in his position is going to have a hard time trying to herd cats and dogs and Republicans into a coherent revolutionary army.

But we still also have Joel R. Poinsett (one of the vilest Americans to have ever lived, and the one who put all of those funny ideas into the Liberals), Miguel Santa María (a rather obscure figure in Mexico's history, and who convinced people left and right that toppling the Empire and establish a democracy was a "good" idea), Mariano Michelena, amongst many others who still want to take out Iturbide. But alas, I have many things for those people ready for them.

BTW, I forgot the Mayans, the Republicans, and the Republicans.
 
I'm also subscribing the shit out of this. :cool:

Excellent! Thanks!

Now, I have two paths that I have already written down:
  • The first one deals with Mexico's first steps at trying to deal with the Comanches and the early American settlers that were allowed to move in at the last years of the Mexican Independence War.
  • The second one I have is a cursory go at the (failed) Peruvian Liberation War (or as called by the Peruvians ITTL, the Intervention War). With some other events in South America as a side dish.

Which one would you like to see first? I'll put only one of them on Sunday. The other one will be posted next Wednesday as scheduled.
 
Excellent! Thanks!

Now, I have two paths that I have already written down:
  • The first one deals with Mexico's first steps at trying to deal with the Comanches and the early American settlers that were allowed to move in at the last years of the Mexican Independence War.
  • The second one I have is a cursory go at the (failed) Peruvian Liberation War (or as called by the Peruvians ITTL, the Intervention War). With some other events in South America as a side dish.

Which one would you like to see first? I'll put only one of them on Sunday. The other one will be posted next Wednesday as scheduled.

¿Por qué no los dos? ;)


I'm interested in Peru, but I'd rather that one be Wednesday.
 
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