AHC: Make The Dark Knight Rises as bad as Batman and Robin

[Badshah]

Originally Posted by Enigmajones

1. He is the Batman, and given that the storyline is based on Dark Knight Returns, I think it has some base in the Batman film.

2. No one ever said Bane was Russian. You thinking he was speaking in a Russian accent is one thing, but that doesn't mean he was Russian. Neither was Talia, if anything she spoke English with a French accent, perhaps her first tongue was French, and English came afterwards. Who the hell knows.

3. He's Bane, he's a supervillain and there are other guys across the world helping him. Im pretty sure you're over thinking this.

4. They mention how his face was messed up, mostly by the other prisoners when he helped Talia escape. The pain keeps the pain away.

5. He's the Batman. Batman gets places.

6. The League of Shadows is not inexplicable. Its the fucking League of Assassins. Its been around for time immemorial. Ras never dies, Talia is his heir, and Bane is her servant.

It wasn't terribly written. It was a good flick and its nowhere near the shitsack that Batman and Robin was.

black angel is literally the only person I've ever heard think Bane was speaking in a Russian accent, or thought that they were Russian.

Bane speaks in an English accent.

Plus Marion Cotillard is French. She always sounds like that. Secondly, Talia al Ghul is an Arab character, or if you go by the fact that Bane's prison was shot in location at Rajasthan, half Indian. (Though I think in-story, it's in a random North African country, since the letters are in Arabic script.)

[Enigmajones]

Originally Posted by trollhole

Bane speaks in an English accent.

Plus Marion Cotillard is French. She always sounds like that. Secondly, Talia al Ghul is an Arab character, or if you go by the fact that Bane's prison was shot in location at Rajasthan, half Indian. (Though I think in-story, it's in a random North African country, since the letters are in Arabic script.)

Naw boy you bugging. If anything it's the accent of menacing.

And well duh, I was just trying to explain the reason she has a French accent.

[Badshah]

Originally Posted by Enigmajones

Naw boy you bugging. If anything it's the accent of menacing.

And well duh, I was just trying to explain the reason she has a French accent.

Mister Blofeld would like to speak to you.

[A.M. Turtle]

Nicholas Cage as Bruce Wayne/Batman and Christopher Walken as Bane.

[MerryPrankster]

Originally Posted by Beedok

And then died of hypothermia in the frigid north atlantic in winter. . .

Maybe the Bat Armor has some kind of heating elements or he made sure to land close to an island or something.

[MerryPrankster]

Originally Posted by wcv215

Not exactly. Bane helped Talia escape, then got dragged off by the prisoners and got injured pretty severely. Talia got out, tracked her father down, then HE came back and killed everyone except Bane. I assume the League of Shadows killed the warlord whoever it was and basically took over the prison for themselves, and when Ra's died his daughter took over the place.

Pretty much. After we see Talia walking away in a suddenly-more-feminine outfit, we see a bunch of guys with guns rappelling into the pit and Bane (wearing some kind of mask already) watching as the gunmen kill everyone else.

[Patriot]

Originally Posted by A.M. Turtle

Christopher Walken as Bane.

"I'm going to break your back, then hit you in the face with a shovel."

[MerryPrankster]

Originally Posted by Enigmajones

Bane is her servant.

Or perhaps her consort, since the whole "Bruce-as-Ras's-successor" thing doesn't seem to be working out. TVTropes uses the term "Unholy Matrimony" to describe the two.

(And that might be another reason for Ras to cast Bane out and for Bane to return when Ras died. Ironic given what happened to Ras himself.)

That's another layer of motivation to why Bane is so overtly sadistic to Batman--he knows Bruce and Talia had sex and he's pissed off.

[thekingsguard]

Like a lot of other people here, I thought that Dark Knight Rises was an awful movie for reasons stated here and in my review. Shoddy script. Multiple Plot holes big enough to drive the Batwing through. Dull charachters and largley bad acting. Crappy action scenes. Shallow themework, and very clumsy foreshadowing. Only reason it didn't tank is it had the good fortune to be standing on the shoulders of Batman Begins and the Dark Knight.

So yeah, awful movie, but it's still nowhere as bad as Batman and Robin - as abd as Superman Returns or Spiderman 3 no doubt, but leagues better than Batman and Robin. This was a clusterfuck, but Batman and Robin? That's a damn war crime.

There are some big ways to make it worse though.
-Keep Batman from showing up in the movie even longer than the hour it took in the OTL movie.
-Add even more padding/exposition to the begining
-Make the fight scenes even worse
-Even more plot holes - like Prometheus levels or higher
-Make Juno Temple play Catwoman rather than Catwoman's apprentice/sidekick/lesbian lover... she really was a meaningless side charachter.
-Even more meaningless side charachters
-Crank up Matt Modine's level of annoying to Micheal Bay government agent levels of annoying
-More big lipped alligator moments - use the example of Bane talking about the kid's singing at the football game as a benchmark
-Make Bane's Army clearly affiliated with Occupy Wall Street
-Make Bane sound even more like Darth Sean Connery
-Make Mariland de Cotilards performance even worse
-Even more Chris Nolan cliches, ie, needless plot twists, terrible music scores, all women in the film are either naive or traitors... the works
-Bring back the Joker as a CGI Heath Ledger reusing old dialog from TDK
-Have a scene in the movie involving a theater shooting
-Make a 9/11 reference
-Have a post credit scene where Bruce Wayne gets recruited to the justice league by the Ryan Reynolds Green Lantern, clearly ripped off from the Iron Man post credits scene

Now THAT would be a movie that would live in infamy forever!

[Badshah]

Originally Posted by thekingsguard

So yeah, awful movie, but it's still nowhere as bad as Batman and Robin - as abd as Superman Returns or Spiderman 3 no doubt, but leagues better than Batman and Robin.

There is still a lot of doubt. Your opinion, maybe others as well, but nevertheless not the prevailing one, and thus in fact tons of doubt.

[Enigmajones]

Originally Posted by MerryPrankster

Or perhaps her consort, since the whole "Bruce-as-Ras's-successor" thing doesn't seem to be working out. TVTropes uses the term "Unholy Matrimony" to describe the two.

(And that might be another reason for Ras to cast Bane out and for Bane to return when Ras died. Ironic given what happened to Ras himself.)

That's another layer of motivation to why Bane is so overtly sadistic to Batman--he knows Bruce and Talia had sex and he's pissed off.

I don't get why the love the two share is twisted into sexuality. Bane is described as a prisoner in a prison with little to no hope except for the hope of escape. Isn't it possible that Bane felt love for this little girl who was raised in a world where there was nothing else but prison.

As for his being casted out, Bane would be nothing but muscle in the eyes of Ras. A means to an end. And as to why Bane is sadistic to Batman, it's pretty set in stone. Bane hates what Batman stands for, and wants to prove a point, like all of Batman's villains.

And trollhole I've never watched a James Bond movie.

[Enigmajones]

Originally Posted by thekingsguard

-Have a scene in the movie involving a theater shooting
-Make a 9/11 reference

Thats just in ridiculous poor taste. And frankly your wrong, in many ways. The "plot holes" people keep discussing are addressed directly in the plot.

[Brady Kj]

I've been telling everyone Bane sounds exactly like Sean Connery and EVERYONE disagreed with me. I also thought Miss Tate sounded French, but didn't say anything because I have a history of being wrong (I thought both Watto and Jango Fett were Mexican; granted I was much younger then).

I think the Batman and Robin Rises version of the movie should have the prison in an abandoned fairground in Gotham. In a neighborhood of Gotham that looks like the Middle East, and everyone from there has a random foreign accent. So, just like the real film, but in a fairground.

[Badshah]

Originally Posted by Enigmajones

I don't get why the love the two share is twisted into sexuality. Bane is described as a prisoner in a prison with little to no hope except for the hope of escape. Isn't it possible that Bane felt love for this little girl who was raised in a world where there was nothing else but prison.

As for his being casted out, Bane would be nothing but muscle in the eyes of Ras. A means to an end. And as to why Bane is sadistic to Batman, it's pretty set in stone. Bane hates what Batman stands for, and wants to prove a point, like all of Batman's villains.

And trollhole I've never watched a James Bond movie.

British villains = menacing evil villains. Seriously, dat sneer. Blofeld didn't have it, but just in general, it's the archetype. Brits are good bad guys, especially as head bad guy.

Also....saw Expendables 2, recently. Brit villain >>>>>>>JCVD. Horrible movie IMO. So maybe make it as ridiculous? Adam West and Burt Ward reprising their roles and wreaking havoc?

Wait, no, that last part might be awesome.

[thekingsguard]

Originally Posted by Enigmajones

Thats just in ridiculous poor taste. And frankly your wrong, in many ways. The "plot holes" people keep discussing are addressed directly in the plot.

In OTL, they thought about having a SKyscraper getting blown up for the movie - Nolan however, thankfully said it might remind people of 9/11, especially since they used Manhatten as Gotham in this movie. We may well have gotten one, especially since the Dark Knight used a lot of 9/11 imagry itself (For example, Batman standing on the ruins of the warehouse was shot to look like the first responsers in the ruins of the WTC).

As for plot holes being addressed, please tell me when the movie addressed, using the plane assult scene as one example:
1) Why does the CIA let known terrorists onto an aircraft without checking who they are first, or even taking of the potato sacks?
2) Why does the CIA let knoen terrorists onto an aircraft without properly restraing them?
3) Why does the CIA aircraft fails to detect a non-stealth aircraft appraching on the radar?
4) What if the airbourne attackers overshoot thier mark, which given they are trying to land on a plane in midflight, assumbly going hundred of miles an hour, is an almost certainty for likely all of them?
5) Given a number of them do land on the plane, whats to keep the CIA from actually fighting back?
6) Given they are under attack, whats to keep the CIA from shooting Bane and his men they have captured? Especially since that is standart CIA and military protocol!
7) How come not one of the CIA agents/military personal is able to even fire off a round at thier attackers?
8) Why bother with staging a craft and cutting off parts of it? It would make far more sense for them to just hijack it, land it, and transfer them to thier own plane.
9) What the hell is the logic behind staging the crash? With forensic evidence and aeronautical analysis, the government could easily determine that the aircraft was attacked - especially since Bane and his men took the time to physically cut off portions of the aircraft!

The first five minutes into the movie, and you already have nine plot holes. Almost every scene in the movie has these, ranging from:

-What the hell is the Dent act? You're telling me a Macguffin fixed Gotham when BAtman himself failed, especially since there are aparently enough maniacs and deviasnt to both form an army for the Joker and riot when Bane takes over?
-Why the hell does Gotham suddenly turn into New York City when for the last two movies, and several shots in this movie its Pittsburgh?
-Hwo the hell did no one run a background check on either Selina Kyle (at the banquet) or Mrianda Tate (as a corperate honcho, thats pretty damned important!). In Selina's case, this is doubly frustrating since half her charachter arc is dedicated to her wanting a clean record!
-What the hell is Juno Temple in the movie for? Half the film she spends as Catwoman's sidekick/apprentice/lesbian hook-up, and then she vanishes entirely for the second half of the film.
-Bruce Wayne not knowing about the existence of the fusion bomb
-Bruce Wayne fixing his broken spine with a rope
-Bruce Wayne losing his limp midway through the movie despite having to use a can for the first half and showing he needs a hi-tech brace that we never see again after its introduction
-That no one questions the validity of the piece of paper Bane says is from Commisioner Gordon given he is literally a terroritst with a nuclear bomb
-That literally the entire Gotham police force goes into the sewers after Bane, when standard military and police protocal dicates only to send maybe the SWAT team in the even that, you know, it turns out to be a trap! Not to mention that the police department has an entire city to protect!
-The stock market transactions wouldn't work like that in real life! Especially since they happened during a terrorist attack, it should be damn easy to discount it as fraud!
-How the hell did Bane turn a reacter into a bomb in literally less than an hour?
-the stupidity of Bane's five month waiting period to detonate the bomb
-Why the hell did they send Catwoman to man jail? That's not how jail works!
-What the hell happend to Arkham?
-how Bruce Wayne gets back from Central Asia to Gotham with no ID, no money, no phone, no idea where he is, no knowledge of the local language, no plane, no passport, all of his Batgear inside the city, and still manages to sneak in when only three Navy Seals managed to do so in five months.
-How the hell did no one find the Batwing or the Batcycle in five months?
-Why does Batman take the time to carve a flaming bat symbol on a building on the side of the river not occupied by terrorists when there is a nuclear bomb a few hours from detonating?
-how the hell does the final showdown with a group of terrorists armed with assult rifles and tanks and 3,000 cops with guns themselves involve the two of them fist fighting? Especially since the cops are marching in a column and BAtman only destroyed one of thier tanks, meaning this should have been a massacre.
-How the hell does Batman beat Bane in a fist fight given he just recovered from a broken spine and lost to Bane already when he was in good health?
-How the hell does Talia stab Batman when he is wearing kevlar! That shit is bullet proof, and they've spent two movies explaining that! Unless she jabbed him with a lightsaber, that shouldn't have gone through!
-Why the hell is Batman fist fighting Bane when there is still a nuclear bomb in the city? Gordons a good cop and all, but shouldn't dropping that thing in the bay by the first priority?
-Why the hell are they firing misiles at a truck containing a nuclear bomb!
-Why the hell is Batman suddely OK with killing people, when his one rule was he doesn't kill people, and that killing one person in the last movie tunred him into a broken wreck for eight years?
-Why does a bomb with a couple minutes to detonate take long enough for Batman to say his goodbyes, fire up the engines to the Batwing, get far enough out to see so Gotham isn't effected by the blast radius or the nuclear wind/fallout, and then bail out of the plane without himself getting caught in the blast?
-When did Bruce Wayne find the time to write such an oddly specific will?
-How the hell did no one make the connection of Batman dying and Bruce Wayne disapearing? Did Batman learn nothing from Dark Knight about the stupidity of making strwman martyrs?
-How is a pressumed deal billionare playboy living in Italy with nobody but Alfred seeming to notice? Plus, isn't he broke?

Please, if the movie explains, do tell me where! I just want to know what the hell the film editor was doing!

[Beedok]

Actually, shooting a missile at a nuke is a good idea. It takes a pretty specific circumstance to set off a nuke, so blowing it up might irradiate a few blocks, but the bomb wouldn't detonate at anywhere near full capacity.

[The Vulture]

Some of your points are legitimate while others are just hilarious. I especially like the "how dare they film a fictional location in a real place!" bit.

[Beedok]

Originally Posted by The Vulture

Some of your points are legitimate while others are just hilarious. I especially like the "how dare they film a fictional location in a real place!" bit.

Considering the fact that there's CGI these days that can show a real looking city and they released official maps of Gotham that showed a very different geography it is pretty silly to go and ignore the past stuff they did.

[sharlin]

Personally I loved TDKR but if you wanted to make it bad give it to that german chap who directs crappy movies, Uew boll or what ever his name is oh and of course.

Move over bat Nipples, say hello to the Bat Credit Card:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cqon0nVWA4A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZMz5...feature=fvwrel

[RandomIdeaGuy]

Originally Posted by thekingsguard

Like a lot of other people here, I thought that Dark Knight Rises was an awful movie for reasons stated here and in my review. Shoddy script. Multiple Plot holes big enough to drive the Batwing through. Dull charachters and largley bad acting. Crappy action scenes. Shallow themework, and very clumsy foreshadowing. Only reason it didn't tank is it had the good fortune to be standing on the shoulders of Batman Begins and the Dark Knight.

For a while I had no idea who you were, except that you had a blog. But between this and the Spiderman thing (and there was another good movie that you also didn't like, can't remember what, though), I just have to accept the fact that you have a very shitty taste in movies. Or perhaps I should say hipster - that seems to be the thing these days, and you do seem to curiously hate any movie that makes a good amount of money. A lot of the time (and I do mean a lot) it looks more like you're desperately grasping at straws than actually making a real point.

I did laugh out loud at the comment about "like a lot of other people" you disliked the movie.

Originally Posted by Enigmajones

Bane hates what Batman stands for, and wants to prove a point, like all of Batman's villains.

You could say the same of all the naysayers of the movie.