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Wolf
September 5th, 2008, 09:48 PM
This is something I typed up from my Sci-fi story I am working on. Basically its about the same molehole experiments the Draka were conducting in Drakon This time they stumble on the wrong world. I would greatly appreciate comments and critisms. And please point out any errors I made with the Draka tech or dialect. Thanks

The only difference between this and the other thread I posted is the title. I hope this one is more catchy :rolleyes:

ISNS William Wilberforce
Cook’s Star, Protectorate of the United Solar Empire
18 November 3228 AD

“It is now 1900 hours. One hour until lights out for B level crews. A level crews are now free to proceed to their nearest mess halls upon orders of their commanding officers. The Wilberforce has been on mission for twenty-two days. We will return to base in twenty-one days.” The boat’s speaker crackled and then the speaker went back to playing some Nirvana song from the last millennium.
“Well Andre, another day wasted out here looking for nada,” said Commander Wilhelm Von Shrakenberg, “The Nicos would have to be fucking insane to attack the Empire here. It would be easier to attack Caldari and then use the wormhole terminus to attack our positions Solside.”
“I’m not going to argue with you there Will. But orders are orders and if we are in port we’d be stuck doing paperwork and the Libertarians and the Greens would have a fit of hives seeing all these tax dollars go to a ship that’s not out on patrol. And this beats budget cuts and paperwork and Parliamentary hearings,” said Lieutenant Commander Andre Ingondala the executive officer of the Wilberforce a Simon Bolivar class Heavy Cruiser.
“And the Reforms too. Why is it after almost 1400 years after his death we have to deal with Ross Perot’s lackeys’ or better yet Gingrich’s? Balanced budget my ass. Doesn’t anybody realize what is going on out there? That Brit from the Twentieth was right planned deflect spending. Ref’s and the Greenines want to stick their heads in the sand and the Libbie’s think the military ought to be up to the individual planets or Grand Duchies. Thank God the Progressive-Centrists have the majority and the Conservatives are scared enough to support them. And even they wouldn’t give a damn if they didn’t have ties to the defense contractors and the Nico’s would wipe their precious free-market off the face of universe.”
“Nobody ever said politicians had to make sense. But let me put it too you another way, this is what my father would call a milk run,” Ingondala said grinning a grin that looked all the brighter with his skin tone that was a perfect match for his space black Naval uniform.
Von Shrakenburg gave the chuckle of a career military man. For a millennium his family had fought; first for Hesse including one member who had become a mercenary and fought for the British during the American War of Independence, then the Unified Germany, and later sill the United States of Europe, and since 2035 the United Solar Empire.
The irony is that Andre his childhood friend, classmate at the Point, brother-in-law, and now XO was going to get promoted to flag rank before him and eventually wind up with a higher rank. It all came down to class, despite all the talk of equality in the United Solar Empire, nobility did matter and higher your rank the better you did.
While he was heir to a viscounty in Hesse Andre was heir to the Grand Duchy of Leisbeck on Mars, the second founded on the formerly Red Planet. And his sixth cousin was the Baron of Cape Town. Andre’s family had risen to power in the ANC during the days of Apartheid and several members had been to jail, including one who had been in prison with Mandela. It was a proud legacy of struggle for equality. Now in a way the tables had been turned. The black from South Africa was of a higher rank socially than the white man from the nation that once prided itself on being that master race, though they learned that falsity of that the hard way. Von Shrakenburg’s had fought in that war too, but they didn’t like to remember it. At least no one had served with the SS. Thank God there were few racists in the Empire.
Ingondala said, “Whose this guy, I know you, Mariana, and Tatajana have been teaching me about your music for twenty years, but all I remember is that this guy got shot five times.”
“This guy we are hearing is 50 Cent. And the song is…” Von Schrakenburg was cut off before he could finish.
“Con, tracking object bearing two-niner-zero on a trajectory towards bearing three-eight-four eta two-seven minutes”
Von Shrakenburg sat up sharply, “Nicosian?”
“No sir. Unless they’ve built a completely different boat from anything they currently have. The impeller drive specs are all wrong. In fact she doesn’t match any known nation’s specs,” said Tactical Officer Lieutenant (Senior Grade) Louise Sauer, “In fact we have no signs of a recent hyper transition. I know we have and I assume the Nicos too, been working on a way to disguise hyper transitions but neither one of us has been successful yet, sir and plus this doesn’t feel like a Nico raid, sir. And we do have a rather unusual energy signature near where the object appeared”


“Can you get any readings on them, Louise?” Von Shrakenburg asked.
“Yes, sir. They are coming in now. Well I’ll be damned. Sir, the boat doesn’t even have an impeller wedge. She’s not hyper capable. And I don’t know of a single star nation that would build a boat that wasn’t hyper capable or at the very least send it way the Hell out here.”
“This is making no sense why not to mention how a non-hyper capable ship could get way the Hell out here.”
“Sir, there’s more,” said assistant tactical officer Lieutenant, J.G. Ken Lujan, “She does have energy and nuclear weapons system but they are extremely…primitive. I’ve never seen anything like it. Even the Thayer has better weapons systems than this boat. Her active sensors aren’t that great and she has no passive sensors to speak of. Her computer system has no real firewall. I could easily get through and shut the entire boat down without trying too hard, wait there’s more she’s sending out a message. Let me bring in up.”
“Stahbase, stahbase, this is Cohotarch DASCS Diskarapur we’ve made it through th’ molehole. Awaitin’ further instructions, ovah”
“What the fuck. That was English but it makes no fucking sense. I’ve never heard of Diskarapur. You’re the geography whiz Andre have you ever heard of such a place?”
“Can’t say that I have, Will. And their accents didn’t sound right. Almost like someone from like American state of Georgia or North Carolina, but not at the same time. And Cohotarch sounds like a military rank, but no Navy I know of uses ranks like that. Not even the Nova Roman Navy. And they were wiped out during the last war.


Von Shrakenburg turned to Ken Lujan, “Ken can this boat see us?”
“No, sir. Her sensors are to primitive. If we keep a fifty thousand klick distance between us and this Diskarapur we should be fine.”
Von Shrakenburg grunted, “I say we send a message to her. What do you think, Andre?”
“I agree, sir. And if she does threaten us we can always open fire on her and destroy pretty easily.”
“Yeah, but I’d really like to take some prisoners. Wait! I got it! Ken can you shut down her life support and disable her. Basically turning her into a floating mass of steel?”
“Yes sir I can. Let me work on something here. Her computers are a closed system, which makes no sense to me. It basically defeats the purpose of the computer, but I can get a virus around even if their system is closed to outsiders. Its surprisingly primitive. Ok I got it sir. I can send the virus when you order me too.”
“Thank you Ken. You’re going to be the top computer man for the Navy one day. If you can keep this kind of stuff up.”
“Thank you sir,”
“Comm, prepare to send a message to the Diskarapur ‘To the DASCS Diskarapur this is Imperial Solar Navy Ship William Wilberforce I am Commander Wilhelm Von Shrakenburg you have entered space tha is under the protection of the United Solar Empire. By the power that is invested in me by Her Imperial Majesty Empresses Maria Theresa II I hereby order you to heave-to and prepare for boarding, I repeat I you have enter United Solar Protected space.’”


Commander Wilhelm Von Shrakenburg, Imperial Navy just sent a message that would change the face of the universe forever.

mmmeee0
September 5th, 2008, 10:02 PM
I'd like to see more. I know about as much of the Draka timeline as I do WH40K, which is to say, Fanfiction I've stumbled on and pop-culture refrences.

But I like the storyline, and your little skirmish has me waiting for more.

Wolf
September 5th, 2008, 10:18 PM
I'd like to see more. I know about as much of the Draka timeline as I do WH40K, which is to say, Fanfiction I've stumbled on and pop-culture refrences.

But I like the storyline, and your little skirmish has me waiting for more.
Thanks. And I would recommend the Draka. Not the best in the plausibility category and the series is pretty much a Drakawank but it is good. S.M. Stirling really gets into the psychology of the Draka.

ac220v
September 5th, 2008, 10:56 PM
How did you know that "Draka vs Honorverse" was my 2nd favorite curbstomp? :eek: (Although since Honorverse oficially has Drakas of it's own now (Scrags&Mesans) it is the second. )

Anyway, good work so far... Although that "...Ken can you shut down her life support and disable her..." dialogue seems to be way too rushed, IMO, and there are a dozen or so spelling errors. :)

Wolf
September 5th, 2008, 11:37 PM
How did you know that "Draka vs Honorverse" was my 2nd favorite curbstomp? :eek: (Although since Honorverse oficially has Drakas of it's own now (Scrags&Mesans) it is the second. )

Anyway, good work so far... Although that "...Ken can you shut down her life support and disable her..." dialogue seems to be way too rushed, IMO, and there are a dozen or so spelling errors. :)
Thanks.

I'll work on this weekend if I have time, but I will be busy. Tomorrow I am going to go tailgating, drink beer, and watch a college football game (Go Lobos!). And on Sunday I have reading I have to do for my classes. But if time allows and I have nothing major do to do for my fantasy football team I'll do some editing and write some more.

Wolf
September 7th, 2008, 02:43 AM
Bump for response

crazypeltast52
September 7th, 2008, 03:02 AM
Inertial Compensators.

Can they shut down on a Draka ship? Please?

Timmy811
September 7th, 2008, 03:53 AM
Cool. I like how you have the commanding officer be a Shrakenburg, nice touch.

I just had an idea for an even bigger curbstomp come to mind, intervention by Dahak from Webber's Heirs of Empire trilogy. :D

Wolf
September 7th, 2008, 05:50 AM
Cool. I like how you have the commanding officer be a Shrakenburg, nice touch.

I just had an idea for an even bigger curbstomp come to mind, intervention by Dahak from Webber's Heirs of Empire trilogy. :D
I wanted to but I haven't read Weber's Heirs of Empire yet.

And I liked the irony of a Von Shrakenburg commanding and I want to see him feel guilt over what his relatives did in the Domination

Timmy811
September 7th, 2008, 06:24 AM
I wanted to but I haven't read Weber's Heirs of Empire yet.


I heartily recommend it.

Faeelin
September 7th, 2008, 06:26 AM
Cool. I like how you have the commanding officer be a Shrakenburg, nice touch.

I just had an idea for an even bigger curbstomp come to mind, intervention by Dahak from Webber's Heirs of Empire trilogy. :D

Too petty. The Culture.

What could be a better enemy for a totalitarian slaveocracy than a socialist/libertarian utopia based on absolute equality, enforced by AIs with the minds and powers of gods?

ac220v
September 7th, 2008, 12:31 PM
Too petty. The Culture.

With all due respect, but even curbstomps have to have their limits... ;) The Culture wouldn't even notice it's attacked before the problem will be dealt with... :rolleyes:

Wolf
September 8th, 2008, 04:42 AM
Thanks for all the comments folks. It looks like I won't be able to update this week, unless I get unusually lucky on reading. Hopefully this weekend I'll actually be able to do more, despite my baby brother's b-day party and a football game against Arizona. Sunday should be open though.

CDurham
September 8th, 2008, 02:36 PM
Thanks for all the comments folks. It looks like I won't be able to update this week, unless I get unusually lucky on reading. Hopefully this weekend I'll actually be able to do more, despite my baby brother's b-day party and a football game against Arizona. Sunday should be open though.

Ok, just remember to write more story! :D

Wolf
September 9th, 2008, 11:12 PM
Will do that

Wolf
September 16th, 2008, 08:12 PM
Sorry about the lack of update all. Studying has been kicking my ass lately and I have an exam in both my astronomy and my statistics classes this week and one in my sociology next week. :mad: So writing time will be severely limited, unless I catch some breaks this weekend.

Wolf
December 11th, 2008, 04:54 AM
Bump for all those interested. With my winter break less than 2 weeks away. I do plan on writing more.

Mnemorath
December 12th, 2008, 01:15 AM
You want a curbstomp? Only one way to go......

BOLO's

Wolf
December 12th, 2008, 02:16 AM
You want a curbstomp? Only one way to go......

BOLO's

I've heard of them, but I haven't read the books.

Grimm Reaper
December 12th, 2008, 03:17 AM
You want a real curbstomp, follow up on a short story already published, where investigator Mark Strang meets the Draka. Of course, he does have the ATN and a federation of one MILLION planets behind him...heh heh.:D

Here Draka Draka Draka

Wolf
December 12th, 2008, 04:47 AM
You want a real curbstomp, follow up on a short story already published, where investigator Mark Strang meets the Draka. Of course, he does have the ATN and a federation of one MILLION planets behind him...heh heh.:D

Here Draka Draka Draka

Who's Mark Strang?

Grimm Reaper
December 12th, 2008, 02:34 PM
Lead character in a trilogy about an organization of parallel Earths called the ATN fighting the bad guys, known as Closers.

Patton's Spaceship, Washington's Dirigible and Caesar's Bicycle were the titles, I beleive.

The ATN's first thought on sighting the Draka is to just push a planet killer through a gate and...

Wolf
December 12th, 2008, 03:11 PM
Lead character in a trilogy about an organization of parallel Earths called the ATN fighting the bad guys, known as Closers.

Patton's Spaceship, Washington's Dirigible and Caesar's Bicycle were the titles, I beleive.

The ATN's first thought on sighting the Draka is to just push a planet killer through a gate and...
Ok. Cool I'll see if I can grab one of those from my library during Break. What would you think of a Draka Stargate? Or the Draka waking up the Mummy from The Mummy?