Those Terrible and Glorious Stars

[drrockso20]

March 15, 2253
Captain Michael Quartermain of the United Earth Space Navy was sitting in an observation room on board his ship the battlecruiser O.L.S.S. Joseph of Arimathea drinking a glass of vintage 2047 French wine and observing the comets flying past Saturn's rings when the klaxon went off which meant one thing someone or something had breached the solar system he calmly finished his wine and marched off towards the bridge while thinking "finally something interesting happens"

how do you like it please comment and more is on the way and be polite this is just a first attempt:D:D

[Tarchon]

I'd like to see what happens next... keep up the good work!

[admkenshin]

So I guess that future English no longer uses punctuation :D

[Volksgrenadier2006]

So I guess that future English no longer uses punctuation :D

+1
Interesting begin, but please use punctuations, it should improve readability.

[drrockso20]

Sorry thats a minor issue of mine, also theres more to this humanity than the standard humans in space scenario that you see in Halo and other futures.

[drrockso20]

BUMP and I'll have the next part up soon:D

[drrockso20]

Just past Saturn
"Grand Fleet Praetor"* Zarion was alerted several varos** ago that they had just passed the farthest planet of the system that their octo-probes*** gathered from the natives signal's called it Sol. About said natives the Praetor thought long and and hard on the way to the command-cranium*** of his fleets flagship the aethran-whale Evrion*** as it and the rest of the fleet came closer to the edge of the system's asteroid field and the native's defense fleet which showed their primitive attachment to inorganic mechanics and naivety which should make things interesting...

*translation of title from native language
**unit of time similar in length to an hour
*** said devices and ships are organic in nature and even still alive which is how most of their technology is since they have an unparalleled mastery of "Flesh Mechanics" or genetic manipulation as it would be called on earth OTL

please comment:D

[Syphon]

Interesting.

It's a bit hard to really comment on as the segments are so small.

It might be best if you were to write a few of these and then post them in one hit.
This would give us reader more material to digest and comment on.

Just a couple of suggestions.

Oh and don't let the grammer and punctuation nazis get you down.:D

[drrockso20]

Interesting.

It's a bit hard to really comment on as the segments are so small.

It might be best if you were to write a few of these and then post them in one hit.
This would give us reader more material to digest and comment on.

Just a couple of suggestions.

Oh and don't let the grammer and punctuation nazis get you down.:D
thanks and don't worry they will get longer its just that when I post large sized things they have the whole wall of text look to them so I will try to format them better:D:D
p.s. I will post another one soon

[drrockso20]

BUMP and I'll have another one soon:D:D